Solve a murder:simple Buy groceries:not so much
by IntrovertedNotAsocial
Summary: When Watari takes a sick day, L and Light must take over and perform the errands themselves! Will L be able to handle this daunting task, or will his dependence on Watari be his ruin? A whimsical L and Light story with no pairings...sorry.
1. Chapter 1

_I hope you enjoy this very short story! For my first story on FanFiction, I have accepted the whimsical task of sending Light and L out grocery shopping! Please don't take this too seriously -- much deeper stuff will come later, once I acquaint myself with the website a bit more. Enjoy, and remember this was meant to be lighthearted, not serious!_

The sun blared through thinly separated blinds on the window of a near-empty hotel room. The wrinkled man sat up, blinking as he looked around the room, searching for anything out of place. His eyes landed on a thin, panda-like man near the window, adjusting the blinds. The man grinned at him. "Feeling rested, Sleeping Beauty? You slept rather late this morning, Watari. It is already 7:30."

"I'm sorry, L. I lost track of time." Watari emerged from his bed, quickly realizing that he had slept in his suit and tie. "Is there anything I can get for you?" He scrambled towards the blinds, adjusting them himself and sending L to sit down near a plate of cupcakes. L, much obliged, took a cupcake and licked off all the icing, clearly savoring the sugary treat. Watari let out a small cough. His head hurt. His eyes watered. And he was just...so...exhausted.

With a thump, Watari had collapsed onto the hotel bed, and blanked out. When he woke up a few minutes later, L was already checking his pulse, making sure his dearest friend was still alive. Watari opened his mouth to speak, but L beat him to it. "There is a 77% chance that you are ill, Watari. You will stay here and recuperate. Light and I may take care of the errands for today."

Before Watari could protest, L had grabbed another cupcake and was out the door. Wincing, Watari whispered to the empty room, "I never thought this day would come. L doing the errands without me..."

.: :.

"Light-kun! I have an announcement to make!" L was sitting in a red armchair at the end of a table, sucking the cream from inside a cream puff through a slit in the bottom. He smiled at Light, sitting across the table with his girlfriend. Light had a superior intelligence, but she was distracted by shiny objects. L often wondered why they even went out. Light, intrigued by L's upcoming announcement, widened his eyes in anticipation.

"Is there another suspect for Kira? One that's not me, I hope?" He had meant for that to come off as a joke, but inside he wanted to distract the case from himself, the prime suspect for Kira. L smiled, shrugging off Light's question.

"No, we are going to go shopping!" He gulped down the empty shell of the cream puff. Misa, Light's girlfriend, stood up and clapped excitedly.

"Oh, yes! Light is finally going to go shopping for an engagement ring for me! I fully support your announcement, Ryuzaki!" She began to hum "Here Comes the Bride" to herself and flexed her left hand, as though something was missing there. Light let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head at Misa. No, not this time, he seemed to say.

"No, Light-kun and I must go out to purchase food for the week, for Watari is incapable at the moment." Misa frowned and turned away from L out of frustration. Light opened his mouth to ask about Watari, but L had already slipped away from the table and was waiting at the door, beckoning for him to come along. Light grabbed his cell phone on the way out, catching up to L, who was already halfway down the hallway and waiting at the elevator. "Come, Light-kun! Time is money!"

"Of course, Ryuzaki." As if L would ever have problems with money. Stepping into the elevator, Light pressed the lobby button. L was just staring at the buttons, waiting for something to happen. Watari had always pressed the buttons for him.

Once at the ground level, Light and L had reached the revolving door. L was grinning, excitedly anticipating his first errands alone. Light rolled his eyes. _Only a child would be _this _excited to buy a few groceries_, he thought.

.: :.

"Light-kun! Light-kun! Let's go here first!" L had reached a Dunkin Donuts and was gesturing towards the donuts in the window, his panda-like eyes glowing. Light pushed open the door, buying two donuts for the detective. L was standing beside Light, trembling with excitement - or was it trembling due to a sugar high? Grabbing a donut, L pointed across the street to a Target store.

"Shall we purchase our groceries there next, Light-kun? The store says that we should 'Expect more, pay less.' That sounds satisfactory, no?" Light laid $5.00 on the counter at the Dunkin Donuts to compensate for the third donut L had grabbed from the display. Watari's job was harder than he expected...


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello, and thanks to those of you who read this story and added me to your alerts list! I really appreciate the support, especially for my first story ever! I have been informed that I MUST do a disclaimer for each of these, and I was not sure if I really should. So, to prevent a potential lawsuit, I have invited a friend over from Alvarna to do my disclaimer for me. Jake, take it away..._

_Jake: Hey. I'm leaving now. Too many stupid humans here._

_Me: I agree entirely. Too many, much too many._

_Jake: Um...yeah. I'm goin' home now._

_Me: Wait, Jake! The disclaimer!_

_Jake: Right... Kascade is a pathetic loser who owns nothing, so don't sue her. _

_Me: You left something out, stupid!_

_Jake: Yeah. PLEASE don't sue her. There. Goodbye. (Jake walked out)_

_Me: sigh Oh, well...I meant that he forgot to say that I do not own Death Note, L, Light Yagami(thank goodness), Mello, Matt, Near, BB, Target Stores, Smucker's Jam, Hershey's Chocolate, Starburst, Dunkin Donuts, Watari, or any related characters or settings I may have left out. And I was not the first to call L a panda. I own pretty much nothing, so... HEY JAKE!!! WAIT UP!!!_

_*courtesy of Mr. Wang, the best math teacher EVER! (Yeah, sure)_

Light and L had stepped inside the sliding glass doors of the Target store, L's eyes wide in astonishment. Well, at least Light had walked in. L was riding in the shopping cart. Light winced upon seeing the grown man climb inside the red cart. "Hey, Ryuzaki..." he began, smiling uncomfortably.

"Yes, Light-kun? What is it?" L replied quickly, strapping himself into the seat belt. Regardless of his extensive height, he fit perfectly into the tiny plastic seat. _They must have REALLY big five-year-olds here..._ Light thought to himself. He stopped pushing the cart inside.

"Well, Ryuzaki...don't you think that you're a bit, um, _old_ to be sitting in the child seat of a shopping cart?" he pointed at the "Do not leave children unattended" sign on the seat. L smiled mischievously.

"Safety first, Light-kun. And I _have_ been called a childish soul, so it seems fitting that I be sitting in a child's seat." A large display of Halloween candy caught his eye and he snapped his gaze towards the giant Hershey's kiss cutout. "LIGHT-KUN! LOOK AT THAT!" Light winced as L pointed towards a yellow sign.

As they approached the sign, Light could make out the words on it. _SALE: 2 for the price of 1- Smucker's Strawberry Jam_. Light frowned. _Why did we have to come HERE?_ was his resounding thought. L had grabbed 10 jars and put them in the cart. "These would be perfect to but on B's grave!" he exclaimed, mentioning his late successor Beyond Birthday. He had gone crazy, become a serial killer, and then been mysteriously killed off by Kira. He had also loved strawberry jam beyond belief. Light sighed, putting six of the jars back. Clearly, L had not realized that it was strange to buy numerous jars of the same flavor jam at one time. Even when a sale was going on.

.: :.

Captivated by a display of chocolate spiders, L had grabbed a few boxes and thrown them in the cart. At the same time, Light was removing the boxes from the cart and placing them back on the shelf. L persisted. Giving up, Light heaved a sigh. L had not mentioned a list yet. "Ryuzaki, did we bring a shopping list?" L only stared at him like he had five heads.*

"A shopping list? Light-kun, Watari said nothing of the sort. A list denoting how to shop...? How strange. No wonder Watari had not once asked me to help him out before." L held his thumb to his mouth pondering what would be on a "shopping list". Light only shook his head. L had had an epiphany, Light was sure of it. His eyes had lit up, and his face had a certain quality that matched only a child in a candy store. "Light-kun, I have a great idea..."

Light grabbed a Starburst pack from the display. He grinned, amused by L's youthful animation. "What is your idea, Ryuzaki?" he heaved, the words coming out like an exasperated sigh. L grabbed a chocolate bar from the same display as Light's Starburst. He also grabbed a bag of Twizzlers, making note of their price.

"The new generation of Wammy's Orphans is arriving now, now that the alphabet has been completed. We should get presents for all the notable successors to commemorate this time of transitions for them! They are having a Rite of Passage, a coming-of-age, a revelation...They are no longer the Wammies, but a new breed of detectives! These children are my legacy unfolding before my eyes! They should be rewarded for their outstanding behavior!" L glanced up at Light from the display, the corners of his mouth turned up into a smirk. An expression almost sarcastic, but L was surely being genuine. Light weighed the options in his head. _I could go along with L's idea...or, he could lock me up again. _Light snapped back to reality, nodding furiously.

"Ryuzaki, you're a genius. That is a great idea."

"I know." But with what was L agreeing, the genius part or the great idea part?

.: :.

L sat in the shopping cart, looking over the contents of the once-empty plastic basket. Four jars of strawberry jam, to place upon BB's grave... Four chocolate bars for Mello... four roses for A's grave... all was well so far. Now all was left were four barrettes for Linda, four games for Near, and four game cartridges for Matt. He looked up at Light, who was looking rather bewildered. Light seemed to be muttering something about the number four over and over to himself. L beamed, preparing to say something important. "Light-kun, are you wondering why the number four is significant in all of these presents? Because your face looks rather comical, as though you were trying to think about something. I should say that you are 46% frustrated, 33% confused, and 10% intrigued. You are also 11% starving." Light quickly snapped back to his usual self, wiping the confused-intrigued-frustrated look off of his face. L looked triumphant.

"Yeah, well, Ryuzaki...um, I _am _- hungry. Let's go eat something." Light felt as though he had outsmarted L, turning the tables. L was hardly disappointed. He instead pointed to a bakery-snack shop within the target store, licking his lips at a blue slushie. "You've never had a slushie before, _have _you, Ryuzaki?" Light was surprised, but it should not have seemed out of place for L never to have tried a slushie. L had never even pressed the buttons in an elevator by himself. He hopped back in the shopping cart and nodded for Light to push him to the snack stand, determined to get a blue slushie.

.: :.

L had reached the counter of the snack shop, clearly frustrating the employee working there. The employee, a lanky-looking teenager, was staring at L in shock. 'This guy's trying to be funny with me, guys. What a clown." He called back to a friend at the next register, his deepening voice clearly turning sarcastic.

"Excuse me, Ryan," L started, reading the boy's name tag. This startled the employee, until he looked down and saw his own name tag. L rolled his eyes and continued. "...but what is 'funny' about a simple question? I merely want to know _why_ the slushie is blue, for that is not a natural color for any fruit to be. Especially a cherry, as advertised."

"What about blueberries?" jeered Ryan, getting a little repugnant with L. L frowned in response to this snide remark, clearly not understanding why this boy was trying to offend his customer after asking a simple question.

"No, Ryan. Not even blueberries can be _this _blue. This blue is far too electric to be natural."

"Are you sure, Mr. Panda Man? 'Cause a lotta things about you aren't so natural, either.

L widened his already-huge eyes. "Like what? I am a human being, a natural substance after all..."

"Well, first of all," Ryan began to remark, "No one slouches over like that. And your eyes freak me out. They're like, dead. And the way you talk is so..." before he could continue, Light had grabbed L's collar and dragged him to a table.

"Why so urgent, Light-kun? The nice boy was telling me why I seemed unnatural. I was intrigued to see his reasoning, as I am completely and naturally myself." Light heaved an exasperated, knowing sigh. L could be so dense sometimes...

"Ryuzaki, I bought you a slushie. The blue kind. And they're blue because of a chemical that they put inside to attract customers, like small children. They are fascinated by bright colors like this blue." L hungrily snatched the slushie away from Light, digging a straw into the top cover. Light felt that he could walk away now; what damage could L do to himself while drinking a small blue slushie. He walked over to the counter and began to examine the prices of popcorn and pretzels.

_Crash! _Light heard a sound like a plastic cup dropping on the ground. Although he was not facing the sound, he already knew what it was.

"Err...Light-kun?" _L is going to ask me..._

"How do I get this blue slush off of my shirt? I really do not know how, and this is getting rather sticky, and..." L had begun to mope to himself, muttering about the spilt slushie. Light turned around to see the empty container lying on the floor, the straw strewn halfway across the shop, the plastic cover nowhere to be found, and a panda drenched in blue glop. L had gotten the slushie _everywhere _somehow, with some in his hair, a large puddle forming on his once-white shirt, and large stains on his baggy jeans.

"Right on cue..." Light muttered into L's hair while wiping bits of slushie out of his ears. This "genius" was more socially inept than previously concluded...


End file.
